Film theory is stupid. It can’t just be two male friends, it has to be an Oedipus relationship, it cant just be a building skyline, it has to be a bunch of dicks. Its never just a woman, its either one representing castration somehow or the mother and she is never just talking, she is always spurting lines about more dicks, no matter how much it sounds like a conversation about baking, or trees or a table. Since desire only comes from repression, we can understand from this that all film theorists are secretly into dick jokes and can't get laid because they are constantly trying to find the hidden meaning in life’s rich tapestry. BULLSHIT!

( CUT FOR YOU )

Ahh fuck it I don’t know. Make me happy, come love me!

I GOT WINDOWS 7 FUCK YEAH

its pretty cool. dl its free for now. Its much better than stupid vista. 

Oh yeah, no more 'omg new muse sounds like queen!11' Uhhu, one song does. But the single that was released today does not. 

raar. homework time. 


 

For days I felt like the bottom of my stomach had been wrenched off and filled with the adrenaline, fear and sadness. I did it. But only because I knew it was the end. When I realized I nearly vomited. I felt sick. We slept in the same bed that night, he cuddled me like usual, but I cired most of the night.

We went to the pub, came home.. all seemed ok. I knew something was up, he wouldn’t kiss me and seemed all distant. (yes, always a good sign haha) At home I probed for an answer, because we’d have probably just stayed in limbo if it were up to him to speak about this. He said he ‘didn’t know any more’ Immediately I got my girlfriend head on. Well what the crap does that mean? I had to get good at making something of nothing. I asked if he loves me. He said he didn’t know anymore. Now I just kept going, you know if you’re already being hurt very badly more pain is only going to be numbed. So I asked why, (too much I know) he said he didn’t know. I asked if its because we fight a lot. He said maybe. I said so you want to break up? He said he wasn’t sure. He said im still his favourite and he really likes me. (great huh ) So I got a little more out of him. Not much. I went to sleep and the next day everything went through like normal. We had a shower, washed each others backs. I was really cold, he warmed his hands and held me. But instead of being happy and in love. I was crying. I knew what had to come. After school that day we met up at his place. I went back to talking about everything (I talk to much apparently) He was a little more vocal, saying he thinks he just needs some more space. That he might want to sleep with men a bit more. That how I am, is not cute any more and that he is not attracted to me anymore. I said I couldn’t be with him anymore. I asked to still be friends. And if im going to be really honest I know that being friends is best. This was inevitable, a break-up was going to happen at some point. But I was still in love.. am still in love. It sucks.  I think everything is going to be ok. I want it to be. Im so sad right now, my friends have been so good to me. Even though throughout this relationship they disapproved of my boyfriend.

Are any of you still friends with your ex without weirdness? Is it possible?

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You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others. honestly what person would deny these things? 

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world. hahahahahahahaha.. srs, fuck off. 

Being emotionally inhibited you have no alternative at this time but to be a 'watcher' rather than a 'doer'. At this time you feel as if you are being forced to compromise and stand back. But this is not the true you. Deep down there is that warm 'open' you which is awaiting the moment to burst forth - maybe like the chrysalis which will soon become the butterfly. I may be a watcher, but dont forget I also 'persue my objectives single mindedly' oh noes, whats that?? a contradicition!?

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others. I love how it plays to my own unique sensibilities, oh but if someone happens to like the same colours as me then we will definatly have the same persoanlity. Makes sense, GREEN REALLY SPEAKS TO ME!

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them. THANKYOU TEST, YOU HAVE VALIDATED MY EXISTANCE! 

 Whish me luck, im so nervous about my exam tomorrow.  I could have done so much more. (But its because i;m 'pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress')